dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
