I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
