So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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