Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
