WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
