I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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