I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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