Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
