i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
