so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
