you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
