he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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