pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
