According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Congratulations! We have a period
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