Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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