you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
