I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
