rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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