Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I pour the whiskey from now on
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
