Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he puts the penis in happiness.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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