Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
