i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
