My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Randomize
