the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
