Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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