Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
