I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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