im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
