when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
