we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
