Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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