so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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