My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
