i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
