my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
