Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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