I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
