I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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