A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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