TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
