im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
