I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
