I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
