How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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