apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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