and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
