so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
