What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
