so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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