Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
