so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Randomize
