So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
