yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
