before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Oh god it's open bar.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
