he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
