My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
