if you like me you must not know who I am
Small penises have feelings too.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
