Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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